


Xenophilia

by Mr Son (MrSon)



Series: Xenophilia [2]
Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Cloaca, M/M, splithead Alsmiffy, xenoanatomy, xenojunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 11:25:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrSon/pseuds/Mr%20Son
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day after <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/1149758">Amateur Dentistry</a>, Alsmiffy is still at Duncan's place. And Duncan is feeling saucy.</p><p>(Note to the Yogscast: Do not read any of my fics on stream.)<br/>(I do not support the Yogscast company. I write because I enjoy the characters.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xenophilia

=== === ===

When Duncan came down to the kitchen the next day, he was already lightly smeared with grease and metal dust. Alsmiffy glanced at him over his shoulder as he pulled out a loaf of bread and set it on the counter next to the plate of beef slices he'd already prepared.

"So you got the teleporter fixed, I take it?"

Duncan flopped down at the far end of the kitchen table. "Yeah. Well actually, I had to replace it. But the system's back up now."

Alsmiffy nodded and began slicing the bread.

"Is that breakfast? I'm pretty starving."

"Yes. Hope you want sandwiches." Alsmiffy loaded the bread up, then stacked the sandwiches onto two plates and turned to set them on the table.

Duncan was staring at him with half-lidded eyes, elbows propped up on the table and his chin resting on the knuckles of his hands.

Alsmiffy rippled the front seam of his mouth slightly, the closest equivalent he had to quirking an eyebrow, and usually guaranteed to make people uneasy. Duncan only grinned and reached forward to pull one of the plates over to himself.

"Thanks again for letting me help you out last night. You've got some pretty awesome anatomy." Duncan took a bite of his sandwich, then paused and looked around with a slight frown. Alsmiffy handed him a glass of juice. "Thanks."

Alsmiffy waited while Duncan finished his sandwich and leaned back in his chair. He looked over at Alsmiffy's untouched plate with a puzzled expression. "You're not going to eat?"

"I will." Alsmiffy pushed the plate back and forth in front of him, staring down at his sandwich to avoid meeting Duncan's eyes. "I prefer not to eat in front of people. It can be... messy."

He could feel the table shift as Duncan's shadow stretched across the table towards him. "Really? I wouldn't mind seeing." The shadow fell away again as Duncan dropped back into his chair. "I mean, if that's okay with you. It's just, it sounds kind of cool, and interesting."

Alsmiffy looked up and examined Duncan's expression. It seemed honestly curious and open. "Alright." He looked down again, and cracked his mouth open, spreading out his four jaws wide as he picked up the sandwich. Duncan's shadow came forward over the table again as he leaned in for a closer look. Alsmiffy took the sandwich with one of his tongues, and started pulling it apart with the other three.

"Do you normally eat with your mouth open, or are you just showing off for me?"

"I eat with it open." Alsmiffy answered, "I don't chew like you do." He swallowed the first few pieces, and felt the grinding plates inside his throat start to grind away at them.

"Right. Of course, with teeth like that you couldn't, could you?" Duncan's fingers tapped absently on the table at the edge of Alsmiffy's vision. "They look sort of like a snake crossed with a shark. They're pretty cool."

Alsmiffy felt a blush start at the appreciation in Duncan's voice. He hastily swallowed the rest of the sandwich and closed his mouth, before pushing himself back from the table and standing.

Before turning away, he accidentally caught Duncan's eyes, and froze at the slightly hurt expression on his face.

Duncan, being fully awake now, was a bit quicker on the uptake than he'd been the day before. "I'm not joking, you know. I think you're pretty cool."

Alsmiffy's face heated further. "You're the first to think so."

Duncan's mouth twitched a moment, before he shrugged. "Someone had to be, right? I think it's kind of stupid to not think you're cool, really. You're some kind of alien life form I've never seen before. How is that not exciting?"

Alsmiffy stuck a tongue out of his mouth seam and wiggled it pointedly. "Well, these kind of put most people off a bit."

"Stupid people." Duncan insisted. He dropped his hands to the table and pushed himself upright. "Can I have a better look in there sometime? I was sort of out of it yesterday."

"I noticed." Alsmiffy replied dryly.

Duncan laughed and ran a hand through his bangs. "Yeah, thanks for making me get some sleep. I probably would have crossed a wire and fried the whole grid if I'd kept working."

Alsmiffy nodded. "You're welcome." He tilted his head, and gave Duncan a suspicious squint. "You really want to look inside me again?"

Duncan's eyebrows shot up, and Alsmiffy hastily corrected himself. "Inside my mouth, I mean."

Duncan grinned, and he answered with a faintly suggestive drawl, "I really do want to have another look inside you."

Alsmiffy's face felt like it was going to burn off. It didn't help when Duncan came around the table with an exaggerated swagger, and leaned into Alsmiffy's personal space to say, "I'd love to see _everything_ you're willing to show me."

Alsmiffy turned his face away, but he didn't want to step back and give ground. It felt like Duncan was... challenging him in some way. Part of him felt it was only fair after he'd all but dared Duncan to freak out at his monstrous maw, especially after Duncan _didn't_ freak out, but most of him was angry and ashamed. And angry that he _was_ ashamed. It was stupid. Just because he was scary didn't mean anything was _wrong_ with him. And here he was having some strange flirty challenge being dropped in his lap by the one guy who didn't think he was scary at all.

Alsmiffy snapped his eyes back to Duncan's. "I'm willing to show you anything you can handle."

One of Duncan's hands came up and hovered over the front seam of Alsmiffy's mouth, not hesitant, but waiting. "Why don't we start here?"

"Fine." Alsmiffy eased his mouth open slowly, and Duncan's hand fell to rest against the edge. He felt along what couldn't really accurately be labeled a 'lip', his touch soft, and Alsmiffy thought that if he'd had sensitive skin or lips like a human it would have tickled.

Duncan's thoughts seemed to run along similar lines. He asked, "Is this uncomfortable?"

"No." Not physically, anyhow. And Alsmiffy would rather not discus how it was making him feel. He wanted to pull away, but held himself still as Duncan's hands slipped inside his mouth. He could feel gentle pokes and slight rubbing as Duncan began examining his insides. Up among the first rows of his teeth, the skin inside his mouth wasn't very sensitive, but as Duncan moved down towards where his throat opened up, things were more responsive.

It felt almost... good.

The plates in Alsmiffy's throat were grinding together, in reflexive expectation of something falling down into them. It was an effort to still them, but Duncan considerately didn't try to move any further down inside, which helped.

Instead, he turned his attentions to Alsmiffy's tongues. Pulling at them. Was he trying to figure out their elasticity? Pushing them to one side. To see how they attached at the base? Curling them over themselves. Which would be to test their flexibility.

Feeling cheeky, Alsmiffy wrapped two of his tongues around Duncan's hands, winding them around between the fingers like tangled string. "Be careful." he warned, voice light, "You're at my mercy right now."

Duncan laughed. "Oh no! You've have me captive! How will I convince you to let me go?"

Alsmiffy lacked the ability to smirk, so instead he ran his free tongues over Duncan's forearms. "You'll have to figure out a way to surprise me."

Duncan leaned down and kissed one of the tongues.

Alsmiffy released Duncan's hands in a flash and backed away quickly, knocking over one of the chairs in his way. Duncan yelped when Alsmiffy pulled away, and grabbed at his right wrist. Between his fingers, a tiny trickle of blood dripped out.

Alsmiffy took another step back and swallowed the angry shout he'd been preparing. "I'm sorry!"

Duncan shook his head and pushed past Alsmiffy to get to the kitchen sink. "It's fine. You just scratched me a bit."

"I didn't intend-... you certainly surprised me." Alsmiffy stood by the table, fidgeting awkwardly and trying not to stare at the small red lines down the side of Duncan's wrist as they were being washed out.

"It's no problem." Duncan insisted, as he grabbed a clean dish towel and wrapped it around the wounds. He turned to face Alsmiffy with a soft sigh. "Look. I guess I should just say this clearly, because I keep upsetting you, but I'm _really_ not kidding about liking you."

"You've already told me that." Alsmiffy's eyes narrowed in mild confusion. "I understand."

Duncan shook his head. "No, I mean..." He ran his fingers through his bangs and leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I mean that I think you're sexy."

Alsmiffy reeled back. "What?"

He shook his head when Duncan opened his mouth to answer. "No, I mean, really?"

Duncan's smile was soft, and a little nervous. "Yeah. I was hoping you might be interested in... well. A bit of fun, maybe? But if you're not..."

"I..." Alsmiffy's thoughts whirled through a montage of people too nervous around him to touch him, friends who were fine as long as he didn't show off his more unusual features, lonely nights masturbating to magazines he stole from Ross. "I might be... interested... But-" He swallowed heavily, his grinding plates scraping together in punctuation of his hesitance.

Duncan said nothing, so after a moment, Alsmiffy went on, "I've never... been with anyone before." His face flushed heavily at admitting this. "And... I wouldn't want to... I think you might be setting your expectations rather high."

Duncan laughed. "I don't think you need to worry about that, friend." He stepped forward, just close enough to reach out and tuck a finger down behind Alsmiffy's tie. "I don't believe you're likely to disappoint me."

Alsmiffy's hands wrapped around Duncan's, halting Duncan from sliding the tie loose. "You're really serious about... this? With me?"

"Yeah, I am." Duncan rolled his eyes. "You want it in writing or something? I could draw up a contract if you need it."

Alsmiffy shook his head, and dropped his hands. "No." It was just hard to believe. He'd hoped in the past to find someone who didn't think he was strange and freaky... but he'd never really expected to find someone who was _attracted_ to him.

Duncan untied the tie, but left it hanging in place. He leaned forward into Alsmiffy's face. "Mind if I kiss you?"

"Why are you asking this time?" Alsmiffy pulled off the loose tie and stuffed it in his pocket.

Duncan held up his wrapped arm and smirked. "Well, when I kissed you without asking before, I got my hand torn up, so I thought I should get your permission this time."

"I'm-" Alsmiffy started to apologize, then shook his head. Duncan clearly wasn't angry. "You can kiss me." All you want to, he didn't say. "But... I can't exactly return the gesture."

"You don't have to." Duncan pressed his lips softly to Alsmiffy's face, about where a human would have a mouth. It was right at the bottom of the front seam of Alsmiffy's actual mouth, and he could feel Duncan's heat leaking in. And his face wasn't the only place heating up.

"We should..." he tried to say, but trailed off. It was easy to say lewd or suggestive things with his friends back at home, when no one was serious, but now things were getting pretty serious indeed.

Thankfully, Duncan finished his thought, "Head for the bedroom?"

"Yes." Please.

Duncan nodded, and grabbed Alsmiffy's hand before turning for the door. Alsmiffy followed, his fingers winding together with Duncan's.

Alsmiffy thought the time getting to Duncan's rooms would give him some breathing space to relax and think more clearly, but the anticipation gnawed at him, and by the time Duncan was wrestling to get his bedroom latch undone, Alsmiffy was feeling flustered, and too warm in his suit.

Duncan almost fell through the door when it finally swung open, but Alsmiffy caught him around the chest and kept him standing. Duncan steadied himself, then leaned his head back onto Alsmiffy's shoulder with a smile. "Thanks."

Feeling bold, Alsmiffy answered by sticking one of his tongues out and swiping it across Duncan's forehead. Duncan laughed, and pulled himself free of Alsmiffy's arms to step into the room and start unbuttoning his lab coat.

Alsmiffy followed him in, slipping the door closed behind them. He hesitantly leaned over to Duncan and held up a questioning hand. "May I?"

Duncan grinned, and gave a short nod. "Feel free to explore if you'd like."

Alsmiffy very much wanted to, so as Duncan pulled his hands away, he took over on the buttons. The lab coat fell away, and Duncan tossed it onto the chair that was still next to the bed. Alsmiffy started working on the undershirt.

Duncan wrapped his arms around Alsmiffy's shoulders, and started nibbling lightly at the side of his neck. Alsmiffy fumbled with the buttons. "Duncan..." his voice came out strangled.

Duncan pulled his head back, hands sliding down to Alsmiffy's sides. "Yeah?" he asked, a crooked smirk hanging on his face like a dare.

Alsmiffy narrowed his eyes. "Keep doing that if you don't care how long it takes for this shirt to come off."

Duncan mock-scowled, then held a finger in the air with a put-on 'eureka' expression. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and hauled it over his head, tossing it into the corner. "There. Now it's not an issue."

Alsmiffy laughed, a little weakly, as he stared at Duncan's bare chest. Tufts of blond fuzz curled invitingly around pink nipples, and a faint trail vanished down behind the edge of Duncan's trousers.

"Like the view?" Duncan sounded amused, and he laughed when Alsmiffy muttered a stumbling affirmative. "It's not just for looking at, you know."

Alsmiffy's hands came up before he'd thought about it, and he trailed the tips of his fingers through Duncan's chest hair. It was softer than he'd expected, and he found himself petting it. "It's soft." he said unnecessarily.

Thankfully, Duncan didn't give any snark in reply, but rather said, "I'm feeling a bit alone in the shirtless club here. Why don't we get yours off as well?"

Alsmiffy wanted to object. His chest wasn't so nice to look at, or touch, he was sure. But Duncan was smiling expectantly at him, and he started undoing the buttons on his coat, starting from the top. Duncan leaned in and began working from the bottom, and when they met in the middle, Duncan kissed the back of Alsmiffy's hand and slipped the coat off of him.

After Duncan's example, Alsmiffy didn't bother with the buttons on his undershirt, but pulled it off over his head and chucked it in roughly the same direction Duncan's had gone in.

"Oh!" Duncan all but pressed his nose to the three air slits in the middle of Alsmiffy's chest. "Is this where you breathe from?"

Alsmiffy huffed, causing them to flare open, the air puffing into Duncan's bangs. "Yes. And they're delicate, so please don't touch them."

"Alright." Duncan nodded, and reached up to run a finger softly in a circle around them. "Could I take pictures some time? I've never seen this sort of arrangement before."

Alsmiffy turned his face aside, blushing. "Maybe later."

Duncan's hand trailed from Alsmiffy's chest down his stomach, stopping to circle around where a human would have a belly button. Alsmiffy's didn't think the murmur of "no nipples - not a mammal... not a placental birth..." was really meant to be heard. When Duncan's hand dipped lower, brushing the edge of Alsmiffy's trousers, he jerked his hips away reflexively.

Duncan dropped his hands and looked back up. "Is that too much?"

Alsmiffy shook his head wildly. "No! I just- ...I wasn't expecting-..." He scuttled cautiously around Duncan and sat down on the bed, barely resting his weight on the mattress. He felt jittery, and anxious, and overwhelmed, but he didn't want to stop this. "Would you... take off yours, first?"

"Sure." Duncan fought with his belt buckle a moment, before managing to slip the belt free. Unsupported, his trousers dropped down around his ankles immediately, leaving him in his boxers, which were white and covered in pictures of spanners, and weren't really hiding his erection at all. He looked down at the trousers pooling around his feet with a slight frown. "Well, that didn't go quite as sexy as I was hoping for."

Alsmiffy almost choked on his laugh. While he coughed and worked on getting his breathing under control, Duncan dropped his hands onto his hips and mock-glared.

Once Alsmiffy felt in control of himself again, he reached out vaguely in Duncan's direction, and asked, "Could I?"

Duncan dropped the fake glare with a quick chuckle and stepped forward, setting his hands onto Alsmiffy's shoulders as Alsmiffy pinched the edge of his boxers and started slipping them down. Duncan's erection peeked, then popped free as they came down, and Alsmiffy froze, staring.

It almost felt like it was staring back at him. It seemed smaller than the ones he'd seen in the porn magazines, but those were simply ink on paper. This was flesh and blood, right in front of him, and so much more immediate. More so with Duncan's breath puffing against the side of his head, with warm hands on his shoulders, with his own arousal burning between his legs.

His throat plates were grinding again in his tension, and he swallowed, and forced them still. He made his hands keep moving down, pulling the boxers past Duncan's knees. Duncan lifted each foot in turn, allowing Alsmiffy to remove them entirely. He dropped them to the floor, and lifted his face up in time to receive a kiss between the eyes.

"Duncan..." He didn't know what to say. His tongues had gotten a good response so far, so he ran one over Duncan's cheek. Duncan turned his face into it and kissed it, too.

"Take your time." Duncan said, nuzzling his face into Alsmiffy's neck.

Alsmiffy hesitantly reached forward and wrapped his hand lightly around Duncan's shaft. It was hot to the touch, and Duncan hummed happily against his throat and leaned his chest into Alsmiffy. The chest hair tickled at Alsmiffy's breathing vents, and he had to pull away, panting.

Duncan's erection bobbed slightly when he released it. It looked like it was nodding at him, and Alsmiffy wanted to chuckle. But his breathing was too heavy, and he felt too hot. His trousers were sweltering, and he abruptly began attacking his fly. Duncan's hands gently pushed his aside, smoothly undoing the button and sliding the zipper down. Alsmiffy grabbed the sides of his trousers, and wriggled out of them, taking his underwear with them as he kicked them away.

"Oh!" Duncan slid down to his knees, his hands settling on Alsmiffy's thighs as he peered at the newly-exposed genitals. Alsmiffy brought his knees together shyly, but not enough to actually cut off the view. He knew what Duncan was seeing down there - a plain slit in the skin, the edges all red and puffed up with arousal. Nothing special. Nothing like the graceful arch of an erect penis, or the elaborate folds of a vulva.

"Is that a cloaca?" Duncan's voice was bright with interest, and Alsmiffy let his legs spread out again as Duncan leaned his face in.

"Ye-" Alsmiffy's answer was cut off into a hiss as Duncan stroked a finger over the swollen skin. He groaned, and grabbed at Duncan's shoulders. "Please..."

Duncan chuckled wickedly and gave another, longer stroke, before flicking at the skin lightly with the tips of his fingers. Alsmiffy gasped at the fluttering touches, and he wiggled his hips forward, trying to press against Duncan's hand. It felt so much more intense than when he touched himself.

Alsmiffy let out a sad whine when Duncan stopped teasing his arousal, and pulled away.

Duncan opened his bedside drawer and pulled out a familiar square package. He squeezed it lightly between his fingers, then frowned and tossed it over his shoulder. The second one he pulled out seemed to pass whatever the squeeze test was for, and he held the condom up in front of Alsmiffy's face.

"Shall we?"

Alsmiffy rubbed lightly at his opening, panting slowly, and nodded. He wanted to feel someone inside him for the first time. He wanted Duncan inside him.

Duncan fumbled with the condom package a moment before finding a corner that would let him tear it. Once it was free, he slid it down over his erection in what seemed to be the slowest possible manner. Alsmiffy cursed him silently for being _the biggest tease_. Then Duncan pulled out a small bottle from the open drawer, and slowly dribbled a thin stream of liquid over his erection.

Alsmiffy stopped rubbing himself, not wanting to end this early. He could feel his tongues dripping with anticipation inside his head, and he wanted to bend down and lick everywhere between Duncan's legs. His breathing was heavy, and the room felt like it was getting warmer as Duncan leaned over him, laying a hand on his stomach and pressing him down into the mattress.

"Do you want to take this slow?" Duncan asked, as his member brushed against Alsmiffy's opening.

Alsmiffy gasped at the touch, and shook his head. "Please just-..." He grabbed Duncan's shoulders, his fingers tightening as they continued to rub against each other. "Please."

Duncan pushed into him abruptly, dropping his head to kiss at Alsmiffy's neck. Alsmiffy's fingernails dug into Duncan's shoulders, and he moaned at the fullness and heat. Duncan jerked his hips, pulling out and thrusting in again. The friction of the thrust leading to a smack against Alsmiffy's sensitive ring of skin, and he gasped and buried his face against Duncan's neck.

Duncan gradually spend up his thrusts, Alsmiffy moaning encouragement and pushing back as much as he could. Sweat dripped from Duncan's face unto Alsmiffy's chest, and Alsmiffy licked it away before it could get into his breathing vents. He could feel his orgasm approaching, and he managed to gasp out, "I'm going to-" and then it was on him. Alsmiffy's legs tightened around Duncan's back, pinning him inside as he shuddered and came, his thick milky-colored semen oozing out around Duncan's member.

He lay panting for a moment, before loosening his grip on Duncan to allow him to continue. But when Duncan started thrusting again, it ached and hurt, and he yelped, "OW! Ow ow!"

Duncan swiftly pulled out. "Are you alright?"

Alsmiffy shook his head. "I... It started hurting." He looked at Duncan's swollen member. "I- I don't want to just leave you like that..."

Duncan gave him a consoling pat on the shoulder. "It's alright. I can take care of it."

"No, wait." Alsmiffy wiggled a tongue at Duncan. "I'd like to... try something."

Duncan's eyebrows rose, and he grinned. "Alright, let's have a go."

Alsmiffy pushed himself off the bed, and nudged Duncan to sit down onto it. He knelt in front of Duncan and opened his mouth wide. "Are you fine with this?"

"Yeah." Duncan peeled off the sticky condom and flicked it at the trash. "It looks fun already."

Alsmiffy tried to ignore the memory of red lines down the side of Duncan's wrist as he lowered his head around Duncan's erection. He kept his jaws as wide as he could, to keep the needle-like teeth out of the way, and began stroking Duncan with his tongues. Duncan moaned as they wrapped around him, sliding along his length and squeezing gently. He bent over to kiss at Alsmiffy's back, and lick along his spine, causing Alsmiffy to shiver.

"Smith..." Duncan murmured, hips twitching, but carefully not thrusting into Alsmiffy. 

Alsmiffy narrowed his eyes, not wanting to hear that human mispronunciation of his name. Especially not now, like this. "Smiff." he corrected, swirling his tongues in a spiral around Duncan's balls.

"Smiiiiiff." Duncan moaned, "Smiff, I'm going to cum."

Alsmiffy gave Duncan's member a sharp tug, and Duncan gasped. Hot semen splattered inside Alsmiffy's mouth, and he kept licking at Duncan until the last of it had dribbled out and been cleaned off Duncan's skin. He then pulled his head back and closed his mouth. His tongues rubbed against each other inside him, tasting Duncan's cum.

Duncan flopped down onto his back on the bed, panting, as his erection softened. Alsmiffy pushed himself up and laid himself onto his side on the bed, facing Duncan.

"Thank you." Alsmiffy trailed a finger lazily through Duncan's chest hair. "That was... Thank you."

Duncan turned a sloppy grin in his direction. "Thanks yourself." He sighed happily, then flopped onto his side, towards Alsmiffy, and threw an arm over his shoulders. "Hey, you have my number, right?"

"Yes." Alsmiffy answered, slightly puzzled.

Duncan kissed him. "Call me any time you want to come over again."

\--- --- ---

Alsmiffy landed back on his tower at home several days later. Tired from the long flight, he wasn't exactly happy to see Ross and Trottimus messing around with his Thaumaturgical supplies when he came in the door.

"What are you two stealing from me now?"

Trottimus dropped the zombie brains he'd been digging through and made a dash for it. Alsmiffy ignored him in favor of Ross, who folded his arms over his chest. "If you'd been around, I could have asked if you had any extra wands I could use. But I had to start research to make my own."

Alsmiffy scoffed. "Well, quit it. I'll make you a wand." He waved a hand dismissively, and Ross obeyed the unspoken direction to head for the exit. Alsmiffy paused. "Wait a moment."

Ross turned back, and Alsmiffy sprung his mouth open and waggled his tongues lewdly at him. Ross yelped and bolted.

Alsmiffy closed his mouth with a chuckle. That was hilarious. Ross' fear of his monstrous features used to make him sort of sad... but now it seemed a great new way to troll him.

Alsmiffy turned to begin cleaning up the mess his friends had made of his tower, humming as he worked.

=== === ===

**Author's Note:**

> Re: Alsmiffy's throat plate things:  
> If my descriptions confuse you, check out [these guys](http://paperiapina.deviantart.com/art/Constructing-Triaformica-part-I-283257523). It's similar to what they have.  
> (Also, that artist is wonderful and you should look at her stuff. I am so jealous.)


End file.
